diapers

Think back, way back, although for some of you it might not have to be that far back, to a time when toilets were none of your concern. The feeling of needing to pee or defecate was ever so brief compared to the relief felt upon immediate release of excrement. Wasn't that a wonderful memory? Childhood bliss, if you ask me. But then we proceed to the minutes that proceeded the relief, the minutes where you would sit festering in your own waste. You fidget to minimize physical contact with it, but those Huggies are just strapped on too damn tight. Strong discomfort sets in. You waddle yourself to the nearest chair to avoid any dripping down your leg. It's quite the conundrum you've gotten yourself into. Do you cry? No, you couldn't possibly! You wouldn't dare draw that much attention to the fact that the source of the wafting stench that is now pervading the room is your ass. You're in no position to find a wipe and clean yourself up. The heavy load you carry beneath you would undoubtedly stifle your usually graceful crawl. You can see it now, the diaper swaying in the air, side to side, only furthering the pungent odor. You also don't want to sit there for longer than you have to. Your cheeks are pressing down on the feces, and it begins to adhere to your hair follicles and skin. The discomfort is directly related to the amount of excrement, but the level of shame is exponential. All sense of hubris will have to be put aside. The predicament is worsening, and the situation can not be tolerated for much longer.  You must cry out. You yearn for the fresh sent of Johnson and Johnson's baby powder and the feeling of soft dry fabric against your bum. More importantly, you long not to worry about what others are saying as they see you fumble around for a comfortable position. The incessant murmurs and snickering echo in your ears. You can feel their stares boring holes into your skull. They tease you and test your patience. Why can't someone, out of the goodness of their heart, come to check on you? Does not the smell affect them as it does you? 

Well, fear not you untrained, diaper-filling, potty goer. Your troubles are now over with the advent of the kitty litter filled diapers. Can't you see it? The tiny granules fill a tiny pocket in the diaper, strategically placed to maximize waste absorption. It's a brilliant plan not fully thought out. Wade in your fecal matter no more! Urinate till your heart's content because no matter how long you're sitting, no matter how hard your cheeks press against the diaper bottom, there will be no leakage to seep down your leg. No more stench to percolate through the air. 

Unfortunate side effects of this terribly thought out master plan are many in number but minimal in importance. Discomfort sets in as these tightly packed granules scrape against your rear. Chafing may occur along with some drying up of the skin. But it's no matter when you're enabled to relieve yourself of excess waste without moving a muscle. You shake your head in disapproval now, but just you wait. The time will come when that overwhelmingly strong feeling to piss yourself supersedes your strength to hold it in. Then you'll be wishing you'd paid that homeless person on the corner to go into the store to buy you some kitty-litter filled diapers.