You know what amazes me about farts? And if you're not laughing at this point, you have the sense of humor of a stick. Farts are fucking funny! It's smelly air, people! And it's coming out of your rectum!
So, it's that we find them interesting enough to classify and categorize them, based on sound, smell, length. I mean, if anyone was to rip one right now, I guarantee you that 3 out of every 4 people in the room will have some name for it. I know you're all familiar with the SBD. Silent but deadly. Or the less familiar but still unforgettable shard. You feel that need to release the air bubble growing in your ass. Expecting nothing but air, and maybe a dull accompanying sound, you relax your muscles. (fart noise) Awww! (walk around holding ass) Instead, you've gone and shat your pants. Somebody gambled and lost!
And I must be out of the loop with crop dusting. I just found out what it was last year. I'm not saying anything would be different had I known what it was. I'd still be doing it. Now it has a title. No one likes to be called out for making the room smell like shit. But, no one likes to hold in painful gas. Conundrum! But the solution, swiftly walk around the room, spreading out the noxious, pungent odor as you ease out the air from your anus. Obviously there's a method to all of it. One, don't make noise. Dead give away. And secondly, you walk by someone while relieving your bloated self, and a stench is closely following behind you. Someone might pick up on that. No, you've got to be discreet. Walk into spaces, void of human beings. If you begin to smell your own stench, stop and make a disgusted face. "Oh god, do you smell that?!" Ehh, why not? Pin it on the guy next to you. Hey, you've got to do what you've got to do to save face, right? Right.
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